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Imaginary Celebrity Intervention: Miss Piggy |  - American Staffordshire Terrier

Can You Play Tennis In Those Heels?

So, I’m looking through some fashion magazines that feature spreads where the models are in “real life” situations and I’m thinking, “What the deuce?! Who’s “real life” do they think they are capturing here??” I love beautiful photography and I love beautiful clothes but please do not insult me by claiming this is “real life”. I mean, sure, I’m probably not the best judge of “real life” but even I can see it’s probably not this.
I have to give this girl props on the visor and sunglasses- they will definitely come in handy when her impending tennis match starts. Unfortunately, the same can not be said for the blouse, bangles, purse, and high heels, fabulous though they may be. If she plays in this outfit she is just asking for a twisted ankle. Although, if her opponent isn’t wearing a visor and sunglasses, her bangles may serve her well as a means of blinding her competition since the glare from the sun would make it impossible to return her serve. I’m sorry high-heeled tennis star, I misjudged you.
I can’t decide whether she is running away from her stalker or aggressively running towards the person she’s stalking. Either way, she is not going to make it very far. Everything she is wearing is too long or too big. She will surely trip and either be kidnapped or miss her chance to be the kidnapper. Bum luck lady in green. You just can’t win this one. I guess that’s why you look so mad. Next time, you should wear what I wear when I’m stalking or being stalked- converse, sunglasses, jeans, and a Kings of Leon t-shirt.
The title of this fashion spread was “Looking for Carmen San Diego”. Can I just say, it’s no wonder you haven’t found her yet- it’s very apparent you aren’t even looking very hard. Also, the Carmen San Diego I know and love would not approve of that cigarette. I mean, you aren’t even travel ready! Don’t you know Carmen San Diego travels all over the world?! If you want to find her, you need to be outfitted for any occasion. What if she’s in the arctic? I’ll tell you what, YOU WILL FREEZE TO DEATH. Yeah, I said it. But, if she’s in London or Paris, no worries, you’re dressed appropriately. But she’s probably in the arctic. Enjoy your frostbite.
All these women are stunning and the photography is brilliant, but c’mon, am I the only person who doesn’t think this is “real life”? Unless, I am the only person who thinks that, and everyone else’s real life is actually this beautiful and abstract. Tell me truly, can you play tennis in those heels?

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