I can think about no second so precarious as a result of the second every you and a model new good buddy enter the similar public restroom and may pee in stalls correct subsequent to at least one one other. That’s the way you uncover out who’s precise good buddy supplies.
These are merely *widespread* water balloons.
My darling Cappy over at Writer’s Block wrote a put up about her first few weeks at college and it made me think about the entire shenanigans I acquired into once more in my youthful glory days. That’s correct people, I was merely stuffed with shenanigans once more inside the day. Crammed with ’em I inform ya! Then it hit me like a lightening bolt from Zeus himself- there was one shenanigan I was meant to share with the world! This particular shenanigan started out as a silly choice to cross a Wednesday evening and have become basically probably the most genius and associated experiment to ever occur on a college campus. Girls and Gents, I give you-
The Good Condom Water Balloon Drop of 2003!
Primarily, we bought every type of condom the native Wal-Mart supplied (Spoiler alert- condoms are type of pricey), stuffed all of them up with water, after which took them to considered one of many campus parking garages. You possibly can be contemplating that condoms filled with water are merely water balloons. Nonetheless you would be mistaken. Ineffective mistaken. Undesirable being pregnant mistaken. Condoms filled with water are condom water balloons. It’s not the similar issue the least bit. So, we took our wagon stuffed with condoms- critically, there was a wagon involved, we had a LOT of condom water balloons, and went to the closest parking storage which occurred to have 4 ranges. We started at diploma one and dropped one amongst all types off the facet. Out of the ten kinds of condoms we bought (I wager you presumably can’t determine all of them….) 4 burst on impression with the underside. These are the condoms we referred to from thereafter as “baby-makers”. You may suppose that these 4 varieties had been probably the most inexpensive and you would be applicable, aside from one which was among the pricey and had the phrase “magnum” on the packaging which I am pretty constructive is a metaphor for one factor I’ll think about later. Anyway, these 4 types of condoms had been eradicated immediately and all the rest of their selection that we had stuffed up had been demoted and used as widespread water balloons. Which can not seem truthful to you guys nevertheless we weren’t participating in games- casualties had been sure to occur. Subsequent, we went to the second diploma of the parking storage and dropped one amongst each of the 6 varieties left. 2 further types of condom had been eradicated and these we often called “50/50s”- not going effectively well worth the risk on this scientists opinion, nonetheless it’s your life and I’m not the boss of you (although I fully must be). Subsequent we moved on the the third flooring of the storage, at this degree, we completely anticipated every condom water balloon we dropped to burst upon groundular impression. I indicate, we had been pretty extreme up and in any case, it’s merely latex. And, in precise truth, 3 of the 4 remaining types of condom did burst on groundular impression. Nonetheless one remained.
One Condom to rule all of them, One Condom to look out them, One Condom to hold all of them and inside the darkness bind them.
Oh man. That quote takes on a really naughty however related meaning whilst you change “ring” with “condom”. J.R.R. Tolkien actually was a genius.
For certain, we had been shocked. How may it is? Did this condom have some type of magical powers? Is it potential that it was fabricated from some great secret authorities supplies that was indestructible? What inside the tarnation was taking place?? We even despatched one amongst our scientific comrades proper all the way down to the underside diploma to make sure our eyes weren’t deceiving us and that the condom had actually remained intact no matter it’s being thrown 3 tales down. I am going to at all times keep in mind the look of triumph in that brave youthful scientists eyes when he threw his arm inside the air and yelled “Y’all. This rubber must be made out of….rubber. Or one factor.” Such eloquence. We appeared one another inside the eyes and knew we wanted to place this magnificent condom to the final phrase test by throwing it from the fourth flooring of the parking storage.
Out of everyone there that night, I had the consideration of throwing that brave little condom that will off of the fourth flooring. Such a second. Such a night. I launched that condom water balloon over the facet and wished it a whispered “Godspeed”. And also you acknowledge what? It didn’t break. TRUE STORY. I do know, I can hardly think about it each nevertheless I was there that night and that condom did not break. Why didn’t it break? I don’t have the reply to that, nevertheless I can let you understand that my amorously gifted good buddy always used that type of condom from that night on and she or he under no circumstances as quickly as had a being pregnant scare. The mannequin and type of that condom will reside on at school shenanigan historic previous for all eternity. Henceforth after I seek advice from a condom as a “4 story miracle” I shall be talking about ———————
Yeah, I’m not going to let you understand which one it is. I indicate, what if that information prevents the one that can remedy all sickness from being born? Or, fairly the other, if I do let you understand, it will forestall a horrible serial killer from being born. Aaaaagghhhh!!! Curse you good vitality that comes with good information!!! Curse you!!!!!!!
Anyway, faculty was pleasurable.
As luck would have it, I am generally acknowledged by my working a weblog associates with awards. And though they aren’t tangible golden statues, they’re one factor even greater – internet accolades that anyone may encounter. Anyone. Like, any individual truly well-known may encounter these digital awards and want to present me some type of worthwhile writing deal. Or any individual not going well-known may encounter and easily subscribe to my weblog, which is solely as thrilling for me.
Not too way back, I have been awarded 5 working a weblog awards. The versatile working a weblog award (x3), the overlord award, and the weblog lovin award. Which merely goes to point you what I’ve been saying for years which is that I’m a versatile overlord with weblog love. Vindication! Nonetheless, with good honor comes a whole lot of drawback, which is to say, I’m imagined to say 3 (I imagine) points I would do if I had been to show into overlord really, and like 7 points for the versatile award which I was awarded by three fully completely different people so that makes 21, after which moreover 7 random details about myself for the weblog loving award. How about this. I’ll say 3 points I would do if overlord after which report nonetheless many points I can think about about myself for the others. Deal? Good.
What I would do if I was an overlord really.
1. That world hunger issue would get taken care of immediately.
2. I would award myself a Pulitzer.
3. I would throw an infinite music competitors with all my favorite bands that was catered by all my favorite consuming locations. Invite solely.
Some points about me.
1. I like candy. Fairly a bit. If I had been chosen to go to Willy Wonka’s manufacturing facility, my little coronary coronary heart would have exploded from pleasure. Did you see the dimensions of those gummy bears?!
2. If I wanted to reside in a single different metropolis furthermore Austin, I would choose London. I fully adore London and of the entire cities I’ve traveled to, its the one one I would see myself dwelling in fully.
3. I can bust some essential strikes on the dance flooring.
4. I truly like owls.
5. Usually, after I’m truly snug, I clap my arms. Doesn’t matter if anyone is spherical or not, I merely start clapping. I imagine the tune “Within the occasion you’re snug and also you acknowledge it” fully effected me.
6. I drink about 3 cups of inexperienced tea a day.
7. I don’t eat four-legged animals.
8. I imagine cigar and pipe smoke scent like academia, which may be why I identical to the scent of them.
9. I’ve an embarrassing penchant for actuality TV.
10. People actually study this weblog, and it under no circumstances fails to make me actually really feel giddy and shocked.
Okay- that’s all I can provide you correct now. If you’ve bought a question about me, be at liberty to ask. I’m an open e-book people- otherwise you acknowledge, an open weblog.
Giving credit score rating the place credit score rating is due.
Now, I would under no circumstances have risen to the rank of versatile overlord with weblog love, if a couple of of my badass peeps hadn’t nominated me for it. Props to me people.
Marina over at Marinasleeps gave me the extreme honor of weblog lovin. I coronary coronary heart her and hope someday I can curse as eloquently as she does.
Teo at Copingkoala awarded me the versatile working a weblog award. I like when she suggestions on account of it under no circumstances fails to make me smile or suppose.
Abigail at WordsOhMy awarded me the versatile working a weblog award. My favorite put up of hers is that this one the place she fully turns a nasty day proper right into a counting various ala Rely von Rely on Sesame Street.
Copper at Coopernicus awarded me the versatile working a weblog award. Cooper likes music as so much as I do and creates truly sweet memes. Moreover, he suggestions ceaselessly on my weblog and that has acquired him my timeless weblog loyalty.
Ghetto Thinker awarded me the overlord award, so I’m pretty constructive I’ve his vote for world dictator. Moreover, he wishes to hold once more afros and bellbottoms and I am all for that!
Once more to the hassle…
With each of these awards I obtained, I’m imagined to bestow them on others. Correctly, I’m not going to do that. You see, the flexibility has gone to my head and I’ve made the chief option to bogart all of these awards for myself. Moreover, remaining time I did one factor like that, feelings acquired hurt. Oh! That’s one other issue about me…
11. It breaks my coronary coronary heart to suppose I’ve hurt any individual’s feelings.
So, truly, you see, I can’t choose. Forgive me for not following the foundations, acquired’t you?
Hugs and Kisses,
Usually, girlfriends of mine ask me for advice on guys. Why? I’ve no clue. It’s not as if I lead by occasion. Although, I do focus on a wonderful sport. And I’m pretty constructive all my advice is nice. So, I suppose that’s why they ask. Anyway, I assumed I might share a couple of of my man advice proper right here, that methodology I can merely inform my friends to study my weblog after they ask for my concepts on their romantic situations.
Proper right here’s what I discover out about guys.
1. Meals does work. Bake some cookies, cupcakes, or one factor else sweet, they like that. Till they’ve some type of allergy- by which case, chances are you’ll want precipitated them to be truly sick. Perhaps not going to work out with that man.
2. Smile. I heard someplace that guys like snug making an attempt ladies. Nonetheless don’t smile in case you don’t actually really feel desire it. I heard guys don’t like ladies who act fake.
3. If a person reveals up someplace with a lady, it is NEVER his sister. Not at all. It’s always his girlfriend, date, lady he wishes thus far/make-out with.
4. Burping on a major date isn’t a wonderful issue. From you or him.
5. Attempt to snort fairly a bit. I’ve no proof that that’s one factor guys like nonetheless it seems like in case you’re going to be spending a great deal of time with any individual you may as properly be laughing.
6. Don’t make excuses. If any individual treats you poorly, end it. You deserve greater.
7. Use mouthwash. Repeatedly.
8. Perhaps best to not let him study your weblog for a while. That may merely be me though…
9. Curl your eyelashes. Every one amongst my best romantic experiences has occurred when my eyelashes had been curled. You do the arithmetic.
10. Don’t overshare. An extreme quantity of too rapidly is solely an extreme quantity of. Perception me, he doesn’t want to search out out about how gross and pus-filled your throat acquired after your tonsels had been taken out. Moreover off limits (not lower than at first) will be one thing to do collectively along with your menstruation, pooping, zits, or how so much weight you’ve gained simply currently.
And that’s about it. Usually any downside you are having with a person you need or are courting might be solved by a type of 10 points. You’re welcome.
Closing nights Kings of Leon dwell efficiency was previous epic. What’s previous epic it is doable you may ask? Oh don’t worry, I created a phrase for it. The Kings of Leon dwell efficiency was colossepical (that’s colossal+epic). You’re welcome English language.
The nights solely hiccup was an incident I will henceforth seek advice from as “The Bitchface incident”. All through the encore- which was colossepical, and significantly all through “Nearer” which is one amongst my favorite KOL songs, the girl in entrance of us circled and demanded our consideration. That alone would have irked me seeing as I was basking in musical splendor in the meanwhile, nevertheless she didn’t stop there. The subsequent account is an actual story.
Digital digital camera of the long run??? (P.S. That’s NOT what her digicam appeared like)
Bitchface: Umm, excuse me! Any person stole my digicam.
Mary, Sarah, and Me: Oh. We’re sorry.
Birtchface: Correctly. Can I see your purses?
Mary, Sarah, and Me: What?!
Bitchface: Put your self in my place. Any person stole my camera- it has each half on it! (This I actually really feel, is a bit dramatic considering there’s no methodology her digicam can be capable of containing her money, financial institution playing cards, drivers license, house keys, vehicle, and actually life-force. Nonetheless, if it was come what may able to comprise these points then I suppose I would understand her panic- she clearly owns a digicam from the long run.)
Mary, Sarah, and Me: You acknowledge what? Constructive. Go ahead. (She then proceeds to put her arms in our baggage to make sure we didn’t steal her digicam)
Bitchface: Within the occasion you guys took it, merely inform me. I acquired’t be mad.
Me: Critically! You already appeared via our purses. We don’t have your digicam. Have you ever ever bothered to ask anyone else spherical you, or are we the one ones who appear to be theives???!!!
Bitchface: Sorry! Merely put your self in my place.
Mary, Sarah, and Me: Good luck to search out it. (We weren’t truly wishing her that so much good luck)
Can you think about that???! First, you interrupt a Kings of Leon tune. Then, you accuse me and my friends of larceny????? Really? Oh yeah, and she or he had had like 5 beers and a few massive margaritas, and however she wouldn’t consider for one second that she might need dropped her digicam or left it at considered one of many many concession stands she frequented all via the night. Hells bells. I was none too completely satisfied by this conduct. Most important get collectively foul- like fully ejected from the get collectively type of foul. And also you acknowledge what? That lady left nonetheless contemplating we had stolen her digicam. I didn’t steal your digicam yo!
Fortuitously, not even a bitchface like her may mar the musical glory that was KOL remaining night. I am nonetheless in musical heaven. They carried out a great deal of their older music, which is a couple of of my favorite, and easily positioned on a wicked good current. Band of Horses opened and as well as positioned on a killer current. The night was foremost and I am going to at all times keep in mind it!!! Thanks Mary and Sarah for being the perfect ones of the perfect ones- and for fully being two ladies I would depend on if the bitchface incident grew to become fisticuffs.
[WARNING: The following post gives you a look into the inner mind of GotC. You might experience symptoms of hilarity, confusion, anxiety, or mania. You’ve been warned. Proceed reading with the utmost caution. Do not read while driving. In fact, after reading this you should take a nap in order to pretend it was all a bizarre and disturbing dream.]
This, my sweet and probably insane readers, is an inside look into my thoughts. Why am I sharing this with you? No clue. I truly have no trigger for it aside from I imagine I’m hilarious. Don’t inform me if I’m mistaken. As soon as I’m having a dialog, there’s one different dialog taking place unbeknownst to anyone else inside my head. It’s usually rather more attention-grabbing than the dialog everyone else is listening to, if I do say so myself.
Neighbor: So, you’re refurbishing basic furnishings?
Me: Yeah. I like taking basic furnishings and refurbishing it in a extraordinarily trendy methodology. I identical to the juxtaposition of outdated and new. (Wow. I sound like an entire tool-bag. Why oh why am I talking like this? Juxtaposition? Critically?)
Neighbor: That sounds good. What have you ever ever carried out so far?
Me: I’ve accomplished an outdated dresser, and tomorrow I’m engaged on a kitchen desk and chairs along with mosaic tiling a coffee-table. (I can’t think about you included the espresso desk. It’s not even basic, it’s merely 3 yr outdated Ikea.)
Neighbor: I would wish to see them. It appears like one factor out of Greater Properties and Gardens.
Me: It’s further Intercourse and the Metropolis. Very Carrie Bradshaw. (STOP. Stop correct now. You’ve taken the douche-baggery too far. WALK AWAY.)
Co-Worker: What sounds good for lunch?
Me: One thing truly. (Dude. I must fully write a script for a movie the place people from all fully completely different time durations are like, hanging out in Heaven. I wager they may have hilarious conversations. A lot of folks think about Heaven as a extraordinarily calm and chill place nevertheless I wager there’s quite a few laughs out there.)
Co-Worker: Must we get one factor delivered?
Me: Yeah, I don’t actually really feel like driving wherever. (Albert Einstein will be like “I was correct about each half. It’s like, hey if Albert Einstein said it- it’s for precise.” and Issac Newton will be like “Ummm, you’re welcome Einstein. I fully set you up. Give me my props yo.” after which Einstein would say “You’re correct Newt. Although we didn’t know each other in life- I always felt like we had been homies….”)
Co-Worker: Hey! Are you listening?
Me: Yeah, I’m merely fascinated about what sounds good for lunch. (Moreover, I’m writing the perfect movie ever in my ideas.)
How Was Your Weekend?
Good buddy: So, how was your weekend?
Me: Mmk. I suppose. Kinda bouncy. (I ponder who would win in a battle between a vampire and a zombie. Nonetheless not like a Twilight vampire- like, an precise vampire. Because of they’re every undead. Who kills who? And the best way?)
Good buddy: Bouncy? I don’t know what which suggests.
Me: You acknowledge up and down. Highs and lows. Bouncy. (I wager the zombie takes it. Because of they seem further ruthless. No one ever made a movie the place a lonely pretty lady falls in love with a zombie after which he bites her and she or he turns right into a zombie on account of they love each other so much. Zombies don’t fall in love. They’re fully ruthless. And like, truly hungry for brains.)
Good buddy: Huh. Nonetheless type of a weird methodology of describing your weekend.
Me: So, what? Your complete sudden it’s “weird” to utilize language in strategies it hasn’t been used sooner than? Geez, study some Shakespeare. (Nonetheless how would the zombie kill the vampire? I’ve under no circumstances gotten the impression zombies had been notably sensible. I don’t know if they may think about a picket stake via the middle. Till Buffy the Vampire Slayer turned a zombie. Man, if she turned a zombie the vamps wouldn’t stand a possibility. Nonetheless, critically, what a few widespread zombie? How would they win? C’mon GotC- put your contemplating cap on.)
Good buddy: Are you evaluating your self to Shakespeare?
Me: No, you’re evaluating me to Shakespeare. (Ripping the highest off! In truth, it’s really easy! A zombie would kill a vampire by ripping it’s head off. It’s a truly proud second for me. I’ve fully labored out the reply of an unanswerable question.)
Good buddy: What? No, I’m truly not.
Me: Methinks the girl doth protest an extreme quantity of. See what I did there? I proved some extent.
Good buddy: Usually, talking to you is like doing medication.
Me: In addition to, talking to me is barely illegal in 2 states.
Good buddy: So, a “bouncy” weekend, huh? What occurred?
I blew your ideas slightly bit bit, didn’t I? It was like I dropped a surreal bomb on you. BOOM!
My avenue cred hit an all-time extreme remaining week after I used to be nominated by two fellow bloggers for the Fashionable Blogger Award. Holla! An unlimited shout out to Marina and the Edmonton Vacationer. In truth, with good honor comes good obligation (correct?). What I indicate is there are pointers. And though I usually balk at pointers, on this case, I’ll play truthful. I’ve to tell 7 points about myself- which I imagine is the test to point out how trendy I am. After which I’ve to name 7 completely different bloggers I imagine deserve this award- which is to point out I’ve trendy friends.
7 Fashionable Points About Me
1. I like vogue. Really. Like, a LOT. Alexander McQueen (RIP), Chanel, Miu Miu, Zac Posen, Burberry, Stella McCartney- these are quite a few of my favorite points.
2. I give just about everyone I meet a nickname. I can’t help myself.
3. I’ve 4 pairs of glasses.
4. I imagine Zach Galifianakis is admittedly truly humorous. I snort at each half he says.
5. I fully love to watch bridal/wedding ceremony reveals like “Say Certain To The Robe”, “4 Weddings”, and “My Truthful Marriage ceremony ceremony”. I merely can’t get ample of them. They’re each extraordinarily absurd or extraordinarily sweet. Adore it.
6. I very not usually have crushes on celebrities. All my crushes are on journalists. Like David Muir. Sigh. And Olly Steeds. Sigh.
7. I like shades. Nonetheless I don’t perception people who placed on them indoors.
7 Uber-Fashionable Bloggers
1. Mary Danielson of Write Trendy and MaryDanielson.com fame. I coronary coronary heart her. She is fabulous. Moreover, a extraordinarily good good buddy of mine.
2. Marina of MarinaSleeps. I’m not merely nominating her on account of she nominated me. I’m nominating her on account of she makes me snort. Be taught her weblog.
3. Cooper at Coopernicus. He too, makes me snort. Moreover, he listens to really good music. Security is for cadavers.
4. The Edmonton Vacationer. Her worst valentines date ever is a conventional. Very trendy.
5. The Bloggess. Really, nominating her is slightly little bit of a moot degree (mute degree?) on account of she is already great trendy nevertheless I am devoted to her weblog and her irreverence and her use of curse phrases.
6. Aka Gringita at any time when any individual makes use of the phrase “flotsam” I am on board. She and I are kindred spirits.
7. Drea at Not at all-Assume. She has a standpoint and acquired’t take shiz from nobody. And adore it. Moreover, she is awesomely devoted to the Musical Revolution.
There are so many further nevertheless I needed to resolve on merely 7 – I instructed you I was participating in by the foundations and I meant it. Merely this as quickly as.