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Further Proof I Will Never Be Cool |

I just discovered Angry Birds on my phone. Apparently (and the cool kids told me this) Angry Birds was already a thing and I should be playing Candy Crush. 

I tried playing Candy Crush but I just can’t get into it. I would NEVER crush candy. I would eat the candy. Candy is not for crushing, it’s for eating. 

On the other hand, I can fully empathize with the plight of the Angry Birds. The pigs aren’t just stealing their eggs – they are kidnapping their children! I stand with the birds y’all, and if my excellent aim can ensure their children sleep safe in their eggs at night, well then, I am all in and it is my duty to play. 

According to the cool kids, I am “being weird” about Angry Birds. Fun fact, if I had a dollar for every time someone said I was “being weird” about something, I would be exceedingly rich. Like, Bill Gates would ask me to spot him $1,000,000 kind of rich. 

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