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I Am *This Close* To Being A Doomsday Prepper.

November 14, 2012 by
So, for a couple of years now I’ve been on the precipice of doomsday prepping. Nothing too extreme, just some survival packs with necessary supplies and a lot of can-do attitude. I mean, I think it’s crucial to enter the apocalypse (be it zombie or otherwise) with a positive and optimistic attitude. This is why everyone wants me to be on their apocalypse team- everyone likes (i.e. won’t murder in a hunger games-type scenario) someone with a friendly smile and humorous outlook on life. Also, I can can cook really well over an open flame. So, I have that going for me.
Pretty much the only thing stopping me from going full-out doomsday prepper is a lack of funds. And by “lack of funds” I mean, Captain Thoughtful doesn’t take the apocalypse as seriously as I do and therefore thinks spending lots of money on it is wasteful. I’m glad I put my kits together before we met. He is going to rue not letting me buy an axe when we need to chop wood to keep warm. (Just kidding, I would never buy an axe, what I really asked for was a robot to chop our wood for us) However, I found something yesterday that we have to have. For our survival. Because I care about taking care of us.
It fills up in your bathtub so you have non-contaminated drinking water when the faucets start spewing blood and sewage. This is the most practical thing ever. I’m adding it to my Christmas wish-list immediately. I mean, who could say no to such a practical not to mention life-saving gift?
Long story short, my doomsday prepping-adjacent behavior is going to save my life and lives of those I love (and people I choose to be on my apocalypse team – applications now accepted). You’re welcome family and friends. You should probably all buy me dinner or something to say thank you. It’s like, the very least you could do. I mean, since I will be saving your life and all.