I have some shocking news folks: I’m not a natural blonde. I’ll pause for gasps.
Composed yourselves? Good. I know that was quite a shock but you needed to hear it because it’s relevant to my story. So, I’ve only gone blonde in the last 9 months or so. It was something I thought and worried a lot about. I know it seems really silly to worry about something like that but I did. So sue me. My chief worry was that I would go blonde, meet the man of my dreams, and then have to be blonde forever because he had never seen me as my natural brunette. And going and staying blonde is expensive y’all so I was worried being blonde forever would take quite the toll on my bank account. I confessed my fears about going blonde to my friends and they convinced me I was being ridiculous, “Go blonde!” they said, “Don’t worry about it!” they said. So I did go blonde and I quite liked it and all was well until BAM my prediction came true and I DID meet the man of my dreams.
Obviously, I can kind-of tell the future and that’s pretty awesome. The questions is, what do I do with this newfound power? I mean, should I start charging people to tell them what I think might happen? Should I pitch my life as a new reality TV show called “Pseudo-Psychic”? OR…wait for it….what if I’m not really psychic but I have a special power that when I say things they come true? What if I made meeting my boyfriend happen by just saying it out loud? I mean, I literally said “I’m going to go blonde and then meet the man of my dreams.” and then it happened y’all. It happened.
I think I just need to take some time and figure out what all this means. I mean, sure it could be a coincidence but that would be too logical for me. I need the nonsensical explanation, which is that I am either a psychic or have some sort of power to control events by merely saying what I think will happen. Or you know, I just accidentally fell into that one. Either way, maybe pay me to tell you what I think is going to happen in your life. That would be neat.