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I Wish Kids Were Dumber Than Me

August 10, 2011 by
I recently spent a couple days with my 13 year old cousin who is stunningly gorgeous and annoyingly intelligent as witnessed by the fact that she didn’t want to do even one of the many illegal things I offered her. I mean, how many chances does a 13 year old get to commit grand larceny? Not many. Someday she’ll be sorry she passed up the chance I offered her, that museum had enough Picasso paintings, they probably wouldn’t have missed one. Aside from turning down the many exciting criminal opportunities I offered her, she also asked very pesky questions like ”Don’t you think painting handlebar mustaches on famous works of art is wrong?” and “Shouldn’t you eat more than just a sno-cone for lunch?” to which I answered “Handlebar mustaches are always funny and sno-cones have a lot of nutrition value but you won’t understand that until you’re older.” Mischief managed. Oh, and then we had this conversion….
Cousin: What’s your job?
Me: Marketing.
Cousin: What do you want to do after that?
Me: Well, I would like to be a writer. I’m actually writing a book right now.
Cousin: What’s your plan B? ( I swear she said this with a tone of derision)
Me: Oh……..uh……..well, I really want to be a writer.
Cousin: I would like to have a career in music but that’s probably not going to happen. You have to live in the *real* world.
Me: Your parents didn’t let you watch many Disney movies, did they?
Cousin: *Blank stares*
Me: You know, if you work really hard and practice a lot, I bet you could make it in music. You just have to put in a lot of work.
Cousin: Get real.
Me: You’re a real downer.
As if getting completely shattered by a non-magic believing, naysaying, 13 year-old wasn’t bad enough, her 2 year old brother followed her up with this.
Me: Do you need to go potty?
Him: In fact, I don’t.
Me: Oh. You know, at 2, a simple “no” would suffice.
These kids are making me feel like a proper idiot. Didn’t kids used to be dumber than adults??? Let’s go back to that please.