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Dear Mr. Man on 6th Street |  - Girlfriend

I’m Using Alcohol Math To Cure My Fear Of Flying. |

I’m back from Ohio and it was a blast! If you think Ohio can’t be fun, then you’ve clearly never been to Grandpa’s Cheese Barn. Also, Fatheads Brewery in Cleveland had the best hefe-weizen I’ve ever had. Go there, drink, and be merry. Also, eat the Codfather sandwich because YUM.

The brewery actually flows seamlessly into the point of this post, which is alcohol math. As you all know, I’m a timid flyer. And by “timid” I mean even stepping on an airplane causes my heart to pound, breath to quicken, stomach to knot, and palms to sweat. Actually flying in an airplane causes horrific scenes of death to play like a movie in my head on top of all those other anxiety symptoms. Basically, I panic the hell out. BUT with the help of math and alcohol I’ve found a way to handle the panic. My equations go something like this…

1 gin&tonic = 1 hour of panic free flying

2 gin&tonics = 1 hour of turbulent panic free flying

3 gin&tonics = 3 hours of panic free flying

4 gin&tonics = I won’t care if we crash because GIN.

Thank you math. And gin. I think I’m well on my way to conquering my fear of flying. Or, you know, dealing with it like a grown-up. Gin & Tonic is a very grown up drink after all.