I am in the thick of a bad luck streak peeps. It seems like nothing is working out for me lately. But I have a plan. Or at least, I have some thoughts that when viewed as a numbered list resemble a plan. Sort of.
1. Get up on the opposite side of the bed.
2. Take a healing/uplifting bath with rosemary essential oil. This will put me in a good frame of mind and make me smell nice. Multitasking!
3. Do laundry to wash the bad luck off my clothes.
That’s it. I didn’t say it was a *good* plan. I mean, basically, it’s wake up, bathe, do chores. But, it’s all I’ve got. And at least, even if my luck doesn’t change, my clothes will be clean so that’s something.
Have y’all seen the Meyers Briggs Harry Potter equivalents infographic? I know it’s been online for ages, and you better believe I was all over it when it first hit the interwebs, but I had never asked Captain Thoughtful which character he is, which was a terrible lapse on my part because when I found out it made me SO HAPPY.
I am an ENFJ which means I’m Dumbledore thankyouverymuch. As I found out on Saturday, Captain Thoughtful is an ISTP which means he is…..waitforit…Harry Potter!
Basically, we are the best team ever and should the world ever be in danger I feel confident we could save it together. You could call us a power couple, but we would totally demur from that because it’s not power we want. We are way more into protection of the innocent and free candy and like fair treatment of magical creatures and stuff. But if you want to call us a power couple, we can’t like, stop you…..
There was a giant spider in my bathtub last week. I’ve never been afraid of spiders before but this spider freaked me out. I grabbed the shower head, turned on the water as hot as it would go and drowned that menace as quick as possible. Once it went down the drain, I congratulated myself on keeping a calm head and defeating the monster that would surely have tried to eat me in my sleep. THEN IT CRAWLED OUT OF THE DRAIN BACK FROM THE DEAD.
At this point, convinced I had come across some sort of unkillable spider, I jumped on top of the sink as any reasonable human being would do. Then, I grabbed the shower head again and attempted to re-drown the spider because I had no other weapons at my disposal and I didn’t want to leave the room and take my eyes off the enemy. I mean, this spider was basically the Rasputin of spiders – many attempts on it’s life resulted in it only becoming more agitated and likely to cast some sort of spell on me to take over Russia. However, I kept at the drowning and finally it went back down the drain, at which point, I closed the drain because I learned my lesson the first time. Then, I called Captain Thoughtful and tried to convince him that we needed to move or at least get a hotel room for a week while exterminators dropped spider napalm on our house. We compromised by buying normal (but strong!) spider killer from Home Depot and then going out to dinner.
However, considering Rasputin the spiders ability to come back from the dead, I am still concerned he will return and seek his revenge on me. Any recommendations for preventing that? Because I would really really like to prevent that y’all. Really really. Really.
Overheard at dinner….
Dude Bro: Bro – that chick was NOT hot. She was so OLD. Probably like 32.
Captain Thoughtful: We should leave before you get stabby.
Me: Oh honey. I would *never* stab that kid. I don’t want to physically hurt him. You know I’m nonviolent. I just want to ruin his life and make him feel terrible *emotionally*.
So, I’ve been somewhat absent lately and it’s all algebras fault. I’m studying for the GRE because I want to go back to school and get my Masters degree and make a big career change. The only thing standing in my way is algebra. Algebra is my Voldemort.
I used to be fairly decent at it – you know, 13 years ago when I took my last algebra class. But as soon as I completed that class, someone cast an obliviate spell on me and I can’t remember any of it. So, I am trying to relearn algebra but I keep getting distracted and bored and basically all I want to do is read Harry Potter (in case you couldn’t tell).
Any tips, spells, or strategies would be appreciated. Or, if any of you are really good hackers and can just give me a good GRE math score, I would be willing to offer you a lifetime supply of high-fives. Kthanks!
The other day, I kept trying to text “run” and my auto-correct kept changing it to “rum”. Which, at first I thought was hilarious because I was like “My phone knows me so well! I never run but I am all about that rum!” But then I thought, “Wait a minute – is my phone trolling me? Is it trying to tell me that I don’t exercise enough and that it can’t even conceive of a situation where I would intend to write “run” instead of “rum”?”
You know what phone? Maybe you forgot that I also have a fitness app on you – that I regularly use. If you paid attention, you would know that I *do* work out. I do. A lot. Maybe you don’t think Pilates is equal to running but some of us have a bad knee because we were in a terrible car accident so its painful to run. How about that phone? You look like a real b-hole now.
Why is it that people you have been waiting for all day (electricians, plumbers, cable workers, etc.) always knock on your door right when you start to go to the bathroom?
Is there some dark magic at play? Or is my bladder just a jerk who likes to play annoying pranks on me?