It’s been twenty years since the coup. The bloodless, victimless, almost pleasant coup. The women’s coup. The coup that made me, a man, a completely powerless citizen of the world. As it turns out, that was for the best.
I don’t know how they did it. All I know is that somehow all of the women of the world were able to communicate with one another silently and without evidence. My belief is that they used their eyes but I have no proof of it- only a sneaking suspicion that they discovered a form of communication no man could follow or trace. We never looked in their eyes before. I’m pretty sure they used their eyes.
What the women communicated was that they were sick and tired of being treated poorly. Sick of never being looked in the eye. Sick of always being victims. Sick of never being paid equal wages. Sick of wars, and poverty, and suffering that men created and they paid for. The women were sick. They were also angry. Angry that many of them had to starve themselves to get a vote. Angry that almost no one acknowledged their contribution in almost every war known to man (most of those contributions being non-violent and entirely more useful). Angry that men didn’t carry the same burden they did even though Adam took as big a bite of that apple as Eve did. The women were angry. Sick and angry those women were.
So, they decided they didn’t like feeling sick and angry and once they decided that it was all over for the men. The women told each other (I’m sure it was through the eyes) that they were going to overthrow the men- without gore of course, they were ladies after all- so they did. One day, or night depending on what part of the world they were in, all of the women at exactly the same time told all the men, as sweetly as possible, that they didn’t run things anymore and that the women would be managing the world from now on and that there were going to be some very big changes in life. Shockingly, almost no man resisted it. I know I was relieved. When my wife told me she would be taking over I thought it was a splendid idea. She managed our household to perfection and I didn’t doubt she could help run the world that way.
Some men did attempt to fight back but it was short-lived and even weaker-hearted. I think the only reason they fought was out of pride and even they could see that was an awfully silly reason to fight. Where had pride ever gotten us anyhow? So the women triumphed and ever since then world has been a much prettier place to live in. No one is fighting and dying in wars, no one goes hungry, no one sleeps without a roof over their head unless they want to, our ozone has grown back, the rainforests are flourishing, and before bed every night everyone in the world says the same prayer ” I am thankful, I am satisfied”.
I won’t say there haven’t been a few changes I don’t wholly approve of. The way men are separated into two groups, sperm donors and sexual partners, seems a little crude. Sperm donors are men who are of above average intelligence and possess many pleasing physical attributes as well as having all the most desirable genes. The women harvest their, ahem, “samples” and use them to get pregnant and procreate. That may not sound all that different from the way things use to be but for the women it sure is. They uncovered a way to have pain-free birth. I can’t tell you what it is- I don’t know myself. What I do know is that apparently a male doctor discovered pain-free birth hundreds of years ago and forgot to tell anyone. Well, I think he forgot- the women understandably think otherwise. So, having children doesn’t hurt and the women are more than happy to raise the children in a world as lovely as ours is these days.
The other group of men, the sexual partners, are men who showed an aptitude for giving women pleasure. Not just sexually, although that certainly is a large part of it. Men who are sexual partners also give to the women they are paired with what they need emotionally. The men in this category are usually partnered with one women for their entire adult life. Both the men and the women are screened very carefully and then the women is given a choice of two men who are believed to best suit their needs sexually and emotionally. Usually the woman chooses the right man although sometimes she doesn’t and in that case she just goes back to the store and picks another. Some women go through many sexual partner men but that’s because they want to not because the system doesn’t work. I don’t understand the system but it’s something the women worked out and it seems to work rather well- although as I mentioned before, I consider it a bit crude.
I happen to fall into the sexual partner category. I wasn’t too happy about being separated from my wife and being seemingly through into a lifetime with some stranger. I was wrong. As it turns out, I was paired with my wife anyway. It is nice to know that even before the system some women knew how to choose.
Read Full Post »
