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Poisonous Mutant Spiders Aren’t My *Favorite* Thing About Living In Texas.

June 13, 2012 by

I’ve been bitten y’all. Bitten by a poisonous mutant spider from hell and not in the good “now I get to be spider-woman” type of way,  but more in the “I thought my leg was going to fall off and maybe I was going to die” type of way. Luckily, I was with my ICU Nurse sister all weekend and I kept making her look at the bite and she kept saying things like “Yes. It’s a spider bite. It looks normal.” and then when I would show her again 20 minutes later when the bite was clearly trying to consume my entire leg with otherwordly poison she would say things like “You’re overreacting. It looks exactly the same. I’m a nurse, why don’t you believe me when I tell you that it looks normal?” And I’ll tell you why I didn’t believe her, because she doesn’t even acknowledge that poisonous mutant spiders from hell exist. So, obviously, she would have a hard time recognizing one of their bites since she doesn’t even think that poisonous mutant spiders from hell are a thing.

Anyway, the poisonous mutant spider from hell bite (which I at first thought might be a bot fly bite which is a type of bite where the bot fly lays it’s eggs in you and then a worm hatches in your body) is healing pretty well but I think that’s just due to the tenacity with which I am willing to fight off poisonous hell-based infections. The poisonous mutant spider from hell bite did make me realize that maybe the fact that lots of poisonous insects and snakes live in Texas isn’t exactly my favorite thing about living here. The BBQ  and Tex-Mex sure do make up for it though.

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