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R.E.M. Is Screwing With Me.

July 13, 2011 by
So, the other day I was leaving my place to meet a friend at the movies. I was playing it pretty low key. I wasn’t wearing any make-up other than mascara, was wearing shorts and a comfy top, gladiator sandals (my go-to shoe), and my hair was in a ponytail. Without sounding too disparaging, I wasn’t looking my foxiest, but was not especially concerned about it either. So, I’m walking to my car and I see a cute guy. Like, a really cute guy. He was walking back from the pool and had no shirt on. Bascially, it’s everything a flirtation failure like me fears in life. Hot guy+no shirt= me hiding in the bushes. Except, this time, I didn’t hide. I didn’t want to run late for the movie ( as a side note, I saw Horrible Bosses and it was hysterical). So, I just kept walking to my car.
Then, something miraculous happened. He smiled at me. And not like a polite smile, it was a full on, checking me out smile. Needless to say, I was stunned. So stunned that I was able to smile back. Miraculous indeed. I got into my car and as I was pulling out of my parking space noticed he turned around to check me out again. I’m not even going to lie, I felt a little giddy. My self-esteem bucket was overflowing. If you don’t know what a self-esteem bucket is, you obviously weren’t in my high school speech class, where I learned that everyone has a bucket of self-esteem and when you compliment someone, you help fill their bucket and when you insult someone, you take self-esteem out of their bucket. It’s very scientific, although my sociology professor in college wasn’t super impressed.
So, with a full bucket of sunshiney self-esteem, I turned on my car radio feeling like good music would complete this perfect moment. What I got was R.E.M.’s ‘It’s the End Of The World As We Know It’. So, if I’m to understand the universe and R.E.M. correctly, when a superfox checks me out it is the sign of an imminent apocalypse. Huh. I guess you should all prepare yourselves for the apocalypse because that for sure happened.
Thanks a lot R.E.M., just when things are looking up, your song predicts the end of the world. Good grief.

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