April 30, 2010 by
The things we’ve left behind find us sometimes. And there are places you can’t hide from them. But you can’t face them, don’t want to have to face them every day. But they don’t go away.
And you learned and grew from the things you’ve left behind but they were left behind for a reason and though you know that reason and even if it is a valid reason doesn’t mean the things accept or acknowledge it. They force themselves upon you. They leave you alone for 15 years- enough time for you to feel confident in their never returning to your life again- and then they show up. They show up innocently enough until you realize it was a trick to force themselves back in your life. And they want something from you but you aren’t entirely sure what but you know, you KNOW, they want something from you. And the last time the things you left behind were in your life you almost suffocated from the weight of them. And they hurt you. And you have spent many many hours in therapy recovering from the wounds they gave you. And now they found you again and you don’t know what to do. Continue to hide? Respond forcefully? Feign Ignorance?
But you are an adult now. There isn’t anything to be afraid of- you can take care of yourself. You don’t have to communicate with anyone you don’t want to. You control your life. You will not be manipulated and lied to again. You won’t let them near your family. You are stronger than them. Still, they try to force themselves on you. Why now? Why 15 years later? Can you sense my complete happiness? Is that why you want to talk to me again, so you can take it away? I won’t allow it. I forbid you from infringing on my happiness. I LEFT YOU BEHIND. I don’t belong to you and you don’t belong to me. We are free of each other- let that be.
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April 30, 2010 by