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Things I Am Thankful For - Orgasm

There Are RULES to Leg Waxing??!

screen shot 2011 05 26 at 10 09 06 pm Clearly, she followed the rules.

Did you know that? There are serious and not to be broken rules to leg waxing. I know. I was shocked too.

So, I’ve recently decided to start waxing my legs instead of shaving them. I’m sick of razors and hassle and having to shave every other day. It’s not fun. Leg waxing is the obvious alternative because it last longer and is way cheaper than laser hair removal. But it’s apparently more complicated. You see, I thought you could just go and get your legs waxed. No fuss, just some hot wax tearing all the hairs out of your legs causing you to make faces you would make if being tortured all for the sake of looking “pretty”. Nope. That’s not how it’s done. There are rules. Rules people! Do  you think waxers live in a willy-nilly world of chaos and anarchy? They don’t. They live in a strict world of rigidness.

Rule 1: Hair must be 1/4 of an inch to be waxed. It sounds like a little but that’s actually a fairly long leg hair to someone like me who has been shaving her legs every other day since she was 10. Your supposed to grow out your leg hair for like, 2 weeks, so it can get that long. It just seems like hot wax should be able to pull out shorter hairs than that, but who am I to argue with science?

Rule 2: Never get waxed a week before or a week after your menstrual cycle. Really? My period effects this too!?? Is there nothing I can do without having to wonder about what week it is? Apparently skin is really sensitive during these weeks, but I have to say that’s not something I’ve ever noticed before. This only leaves 2 weeks you can get your legs waxed. There is a lot more planning than expected going into this.

Rule 3: Exfoliate your legs 3 days prior to waxing and then again 3 days after waxing to avoid ingrown hairs. Never exfoliate right after waxing. Again, there is just so much planning that goes into this. But I’m also really afraid of what would happen if I didn’t follow this rule. Like, what if I did exfoliate right after waxing? Would all the skin on my leg peel off? Gross. And scary.

Rule 4: Tip your waxer. Of course. I forgot that as a woman I have to pay dearly to have every part of my body tortured in order to feel like a real woman. Why do I buy into this again? Oh yeah, hairy legs are gross.

Did you know there were that many rules to leg waxing? Why don’t they teach you this in school? My education was severely lacking. And even if they didn’t teach me this in school, why didn’t Jane Austen or Charlotte Bronte prepare me for this? My razor is looking less and less like a hassle right now and more like a good friend who you don’t really like that much but who is always there when you need them no questions asked. My razor would probably bail me out of jail if I needed it. Waxing would just let me rot in a cell until it was the right week of the month.

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